I'd Like to Rip Myself Apart.

And I didn't even know it.
Because, oh yeah, guess what?
I'm sitting here, like a freaking idiot, talking to Morgan.

...

Which brings me to a different subject: A dream that I had a few days ago.

It was freakishly real, too. No aspect of it was fake at all... Well, of course, except for the whole "dream" part that sent me over the edge.

In the dream, I was meeting Morgan at his school, where a whole bunch of us were going to all go and eat at his house for dinner. I showed up and ran up to hug him (this memory came from Moore War), but it was awkward and like I was hugging someone I didn't even know. He seemed kind of blankly surprised that I was even there (Moore War. AGAIN.), even though it had been planned. He kind of laughed a little and blew it off, but hugged me again, and apologized, saying he was sorry for Moore War (It's getting repetitive, isn't it?), and that no one else was coming with him --- That this was between us, and that he was going to explain why he was so distant and weird.
That's when, from behind, this little ADORABLE blonde boy looking about three or four walks up, and Morgan kind of hugs him with one arm, then says very carefully:
"Lauren, this is my son."

And I was all :O

BUT IT DIDN'T END THERE.
Morgan and I still went to his house and ate with his ENTIRE family. I ignored him, until he finally kicked me from underneath the table. When I didn't respond, he comes around the table and makes me follow him into his room, where I proceed to become "WHAT THE HELL MADE YOU DO ANYTHING LIKE THAT?!" Lauren.
And he basically told me it had all been a huge mistake, so long ago, and that nothing had changed between us, except for the fact that a long-ago girlfriend had handed him off a kid.
And then he kissed me, and tried to make me be okay.

Which I wasn't.
I was mentally distubed enough to wake up and lay there for two hours.


WHY DOES HE DO THIS TO ME?!