Theories? Science? JESUS SAVES!

So on the bus today, I had a slight run-in with an old classmate whom I've known since kindergarten.

She was telling Shawn and I about Brittany and Andrew (Andrew's one of my BFFL. He's amazing. Like, he even took me to eighth grade formal. Brit, I don't care for. Anime freak that she is, we have NOTHING in common and she's just stranger than anything. Ever. But I'm okay with her. Since, you know, Andrew's DATING her and has been since Feb.). They've obvioulsy hit some kind of rough patch, and when I asked why, here's the Whitni-fied explanation:

"Well, okay, so Brittany doesn't like to be kissed or anything, but she deals with a kiss on the cheek for Andrew. Anyways, the other day when she was leaving Andrew's house..." (she scoots toward the end of the seat, and I'm thinking OHMYGOSH, WHAT ALREADY?!) "...he tried to kiss her on the lips."

My thoughts: So. Flipping. WHAT.

BUT. Then she CONTINUED:
"He kind of pulled her towards him, and she pulled away, but he like, grabbed her wrist like this..." (She demonstrates on poor ol' Shawn, who I have as a friend as well, by wrapping her hand in a tight grip around his wrist, who grimaces. I'm sorry Shawn. I wouldn't want her AIDS infected hand on me, either. Long story.) "and MADE her kiss him!"

I gaped. I gawked. I cried "TELL ME IT ISN'T SO!" inwardly. But... Andrew? Abusive?

Me: "...Andrew didn't try anything, right?"
Whitney: "HE KISSED HER."
Me: "Oh, really? I COULDN'T TELL."
Shawn: "No, I don't think he 'tounged' or whatever you call it, Lauren."
Me: "....Well... Then I can see where the frustration at not getting to kiss your own girlfriend would come about. And if he feels guilty, like you said he did, I don't think you should even be disclosing this to us."
Whitney: "But Brittany's the VICTIM."
Me: "BUT ANDREW IS NOT A MONSTER. STHU."

Whit & Shawn babbled on about something for a while, and then...

Whitney: "Yeah, so Andrew pulled a major Michael."
(Michael = Her ex, who broke up with her to be friends. She says they never got intimate, but I can affirm that they were nasty down by the creek. Her mouth... UGH.)
Me: "...Sorry, but can I theorize on something without you guys getting offended?"
Whitney: (shrugs) "Whatever. I don't really get mad."
Me: "Well, okay, why did you and Michael break up?"

She proceeds to tell me that they broke up because he was in "LOVE" (I don't believe her, here...) with another girl, and she was hormonal one day and went off on him completely.

Me: (bluntly) "So... it's your fault."
Whitney: "HE. WAS. IN. LOVE. WITH. SOMEONE. ELSE."
Me: "BUT HE WANTED TO BE FRIENDS, AND NOW YOU HATE HIM."
Shawn: "Chill out, guys."
Me: "Sorry if this offends, but I don't see how anyone can be so utterly in love [to give their partner ORAL INTERCOURSE] and when they break up, hate them! LOVE NEVER FAILS."
Whitney: "Does too!" (widens eyes, looks dumb and possessed) "It happens to everyone all the time! You don't know because it just hasn't happened to you yet!"
Me: "That's not love, Whitney. That's imminent like."


:)